50. Visara the Dreadful

Oh yes, your eyes indeed are your strongest feature, seeing as you are a gorgon, and you are terrifying. Flavor text that points out the obvious will always hold a special place in my heart.

49. Vhati Il-Dal

Remember those meatheads back in high school? Yeah, this is them now. Flavor text that makes fun of the brawn is always a good touch. Especially coming from other nerds.

48. Spike, Tournament Grinder

I decided to cheat, so I threw in an unhinged card because I mean come on, the “un” serious is supposed to be funny. Plus this card metas so much.

47. Scion of the Ur-Dragon

The Scion dragon has the ability to dig up a dragon creature, then discard it and he becomes that creature. Meaning that blood flows through him. There is a reason it’s called flavor text.

46. Talrand, Sky Summoner

A man who truly believes he can do anything. This flavor text is good because it makes sense. Talrand is merfolk, master of the waters. And whenever you cast an instant or sorcery, you get a drake, so he would be master of the skies too. Wizards really put time into their flavor bowl, don’t they?

45. Squee, Goblin Nabob

Squee will always be one of my favorite cards in all of Magic because of his ability and the story behind him. His flavor text just shows every one of how annoying squee’s immortality is to everyone. Even Karn who is a planeswalker.

44. Squee the Immortal

Oh, this is just here so that way you understand how good squee is, but look at the flavor text! Squee is such a good goblin!

43. Tawnos, Urza’s Apprentice

If there is anyone I can see becoming a planeswalker soon, its Tawnos. The flavor text just had me thinking. Urza was one of the first ever planeswalkers, and Tawnos studied under him. So why wouldn’t Urza tell Tawnos how to become one. I know it takes a tragic accident but they are the two smartest minds in the plane (besides Niv-Mizzet), plus it would help with the new storyline in Magic.

42. Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind

Turn the card 90 degrees to the left. Now read. Then try and tell me it’s not the best flavor text ever. It’s his name in an equation! So cool.

41. Feldon of the Third Path

It’s always sad to see something like this in Magic, but it makes you appreciate the flavor text even more. This is a human artificer, holding a ladies fake head, with the text “she will come back to me”. This is obviously saying that this man’s wife died, so he became (or already was) an artificer to try and bring her back to life using magic. Every card in magic has a story, and it’s always good to look into them sometimes.

40. Dragonlord Silumgar

Okay, this one always makes me laugh when I see it now. So the flavor text basically is justifying a dragons greed. In his actual law tex it lets him take control of a creature or a planeswalker, now look at the art. I love when the card just comes together in all three places. Taking a look at the art shows that Silumgar has taken over Tasigur’s empire on Tarkir, and now he hangs from Silumgar’s neck. So much flavor.

39. Borborygmos

Okay so Gruul is probably my least favorite clan in all of Ravnica, but you just have to admire how well thought out the entire storyline for them has been.The flavor text is Teysa, who is a high ranking member of the Orzhov syndicate, is justifying why the leader of the gruul is the leader in the first place. She’s saying he is dumb and only likes to smash stuff. That basically sums up the Grull for ya.

38. Admiral Beckett Brass

Pirates are so good. Especially in flavor. That’s all that’s needed to say.

37. Frankie Peanuts

Okay… Okay… Last “un” card, but I mean come on this is a magic card that comes up with its own flavor on some of our real world sayings. It’s clever so it deserved a spot on the list. Plus his name is peanut. You can’t not love him.

36. Arcum Dagsson

The ability and flavor once more flow together so well in Arcum because he hates that artifacts are taking over the world, so his ability is to destroy them. Then, he makes the sacrificed artifact’s owner go and look for some dinky noncreature artifact. Plus it’s just a really good card against artifacts. I highly recommend in flavor and in decks

35. Balthor the Defiled

Okay, I put this one in here because it’s edgy, that’s basically it. If I were Wizards I would replace the text with, “I remember enough for my life to weep for what I had lost, IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM!”

34. Sram, Senior Edificers

I love the text on this because I am a total geek when it comes to the story and you will learn a lot about it with this article. So Nicol-Bolas who is basically the big bad has sent Tezzeret (who is also a “bad guy” planeswalker), to Kaladesh to retrieve an artifact from a fair that the plane was having. Well while there, a huge fight took place and people started stealing everything, that’s what this flavor text and art are portraying.

33. Oviya Pashiri, Sage Lifecrafter

Green cards have always hated artifacts and enchantments so this one is kind of the band-aid on it all. Not only does the flavor text on Oviya mention that she will start creating artifacts, but as a green card, it’s kind of the opposite of what she should be doing. Reclamation sage is going to be one upset woman.

32. Norin the Wary

The flavor text is the cherry on top for this card. I love the Han solo quote, but it also corresponds to his ability to flee whenever a creature or a spell is played. Wizards do a bang up job at this whole entertaining text.

31. Yeva, Nature’s Herald

Yeva is a total savage when it comes to here flavor text. She is threatening anyone that her army can be there in a blink of an eye. That’s because she gives all creatures FLASH. So good. So good. But what’s even better, is that she tells you not even to blink. You go Yeva.

30. Naban, Dean of Iteration

I pulled Naban out of a Dominaria booster box and I thought to myself “huh he would make a great wizard commander not only because he is a two-drop, but he replicates my abilities” Which makes sense because of his flavor text. Not only that, but Iteration literally stands for a different way of doing something. I would really like to meet these card designers cause man, they do a great job.

29. Hope of Ghirapur

Because I am such a nerd for the storyline of Magic, that’s what I picked for most of these cards. Ghirapur is a thopter made in Kaladesh after the huge fight took place at the fair. Tezzeret got ahold of the planar bridge which is what he was there for. So the inventors at the fair built this thopter with a bomb attached to destroy the bridge before tezzeret could steal it.

28. Bruna, the Fading Light

In the set Eldritch Moon, Bruna and her sister Gisela were mighty angel’s that fought against the Eldrazi when it entered the plane of Innistrad. Emrakul was the biggest and baddest Eldrazi in the plane at that time, but the flavor text and law text gives us a hint at what might happen.

27. Gisela, the Broken Blade

Her sister seeing Emrakul’s visions and Gisela only hearing Emrakul’s thoughts, the two were forced to come together to make the most terrifying creature in the plane.

26. Brisela, Voice of Nightmares

The fusion dance gone wrong, the two sisters were forced to join together to make one of the ugliest Eldrazi in all of magic. Sigarda, the Selesnya angel, was attacked right before this had happened by her sisters. Moving out of the way Emrakul forced the two together as Sigarda could only watch as she lost two of her four sisters to the mighty Eldrazi.

25. Griselbrand

After fighting Avacyn, the two were thrown into the Helvault (or a demon vault) forever trapped as the demons and werewolves took over the land on Innistrad. This sent the plane into the darkest times ever. Until Liliana Vess came to fight Griselbrand because he had a hold on part of the contract that held Liliana’s soul hostage. When the gatewatch vanquished Griselbrand, Avacyn was released.

24. Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician

We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled flavor story text to bring you one of the funniest flavor text in all of magic. I hope you enjoyed!

23. Avacyn, Angel of Hope

After Avacyn was released from the Helvault she returned to see how the humans of Innistrad were doing. She leads the plane into the most prosperous times it had ever seen, but one day a woman had told Avacyn that her son was lost in the woods. When Avacyn went she found herself trapped and was cursed.

22. Avacyn, the Purifier

Becoming trapped she was tainted by a follower of Nahiri, who was her arch nemesis for taking Sorin’s side on things, thus banishing her from the plane. Nahiri’s follower cursed Avacyn making her the Angel in the picture. When she flew back to the town to answer the prayer of a man looking for guidance, Avacyn cursed his name and insulted him until he wet his pants and fainted. He would later go to the town and tell them the flavor text on her card.

20. Atarka, World Render

I love the storyline of Tarkir, but Atarka is funny because Yasova, the one in the flavor text, was told a story from a khan that Atarka only let humans live on her plane if she was fed. Thus meaning “if left unchecked she would feast on Tarkir” Yeah that was literal. If the humans didn’t feed her, she would eat every last one of them.

19. Jace, Vryn’s Prodigy

Ah, baby Jace. This is where the most iconic planeswalker in all of modern Magic: The Gathering had learned of his powers. Jace was a kid when his powers first came to him thus explaining the flavor text. Jace was able to take over peoples minds and read them unintentionally.

18. Gwafa Hazid, Profiteer

Okay, I love this card only because it has, what I like to call, The Master Four. It has great art, name, flavor text, and law. Not only is he a profiteer, but his flavor text corresponds with how his ability works which are talking about bribing monsters not to attack you.

17. Atogatog

cannibalism isn’t okay at all, but this once again is a perfect example of flavor text that works with the ability. If Atogatog eats another atogatog, it gains its power and toughness. And the family meal refers to the main atogatog eating its family. Family… meal… get it.

16. Memnarch

This is more kind of gruesome stuff, but memnarch is the opposite of Arcum on the fact that Memnarch wants to turn flesh into artifact or basically make everything an artifact.

15. Grand Arbiter Augustin IV

Azorius is the council of Ravnica basically. The real makers of the plane. So the flavor text here is introducing to new players that cards with “Grand Arbiter” is a conduit of justice just with a different person. I think that in itself is its own flavor.

14. Rakdos, the Showstopper

Rakdos is not only one of the first guilds I ever played as in Magic, but it’s also one of the funniest guilds besides Gruul. Rakdos is literally a guild leader that makes his guild dance for him. Does the flavor text make sense yet?

13. Nikya of the Old Ways

The Gruul are believers of the Raze-Boar which are just a clan of pigs that will destroy anything that it touches. So in the flavor of this card, that Is what Nikya is talking about because the Gruul is about to march into the mainland of Ravnica.

12. Grenzo, Havoc Raiser

This card once again is a perfect example of an ability that works with the flavor of the text. Grenzo lets you either take stuff or destroy stuff. Which is exactly what his text explains.

11. Ertai, Wizard Adept

Ertai is a confident wizard jerk and that’s what I love about the flavor text. You can literally counter any spell casted, so his flavor text is most fitting of all.

10. Drana, Kalastria Bloodchief

Drana is the leader against the Eldrazi when they started coming to power in Zendikar. Her flavor text is the pep talk to her tribe to go against the Eldrazi to win back their territory.

9. Drana, Liberator of Malakir

This is the aftermath of the pep talk. The power of support. Spoiler alert! The people of Zendikar win against the Eldrazi.

8. Reya Dawnbringer

Reya’s flavor text is funny just because she is like “Nope you’re not allowed to die yet”

7. Lavinia, Azorius Renegade

Lavinia used to be one of the highest ranking members of the Azorius guild in Ravnica, and ever since Jace (who was basically keeping all the guilds at peace) left, Nicol-Bolas has been wreaking havoc on the entire plane. Lavinia left Dovin (who was the leader of the Azorius) because she found out he was working with Nicol to bring him into the plane of Ravnica. So her flavor text is basically a sum of what is happening in the Azorius guild.

6. Palladia-Mors, the Ruiner

Nicol Bolas waged a dragon war on Dominaria thousands of years ago because he wanted to take over the plane. Bolas went to Palladia because she was very simple-minded and very easy to obtain on his side to wage war against the other dragons. She was very deadly when it came to hunting, thus making her a vicious dragon.

5. Padeem, Consul of Innovation

Padeem was on of the lead inventors on a board within Kaladesh. So he used to judge peoples inventions.

4. Kothophed, Soul Hoarder

Kothophed is one of the many demons that is keeping Liliana’s contract alive. Liliana Vess joined the gatewatch in order to save the realm from Nicol Bolas but she had a side agenda of forcing the rest of the guildwatch to kill her demons keeping her cursed. Leading to this demon, Kothophed is talking to Liliana in the flavor text.

3. Razaketh, the Foulblooded

Liliana took the Gatewatch to one more place before returning to Ravnica to ensure Nicol Bolas doesn’t return there. Unfortunately, the last place the Gatewatch had to go was Ahmenket, the plane that Nicol Bolas already took over. The place where Nicol Bolas literally is. Yeah well, they kill the demon, but then have to face Bolas right after.

2. Nicol Bolas

The most ancient evil of all time raised on Dominaria, Nicol Bolas is one of the baddest and most evil creatures of all time.

1. In Bolas’s Clutches

Well long story short the Gatewatch kill all the demons for Liliana. Then they find out (once Nicol Bolas severely hurts all of them) Liliana contract defaults  down to himself. Hurting the trust of all of the Gatewatch.

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