6. The Bard's Tale

The Bard’s Tale gameplay

Voiced by the Dread Pirate Roberts, you slouch through a rich profanity-infused fantasy world, just trying to get by. It seems everything is out to get you, none-so-much as that damned smarmy narrator. Cary Elwes begrudgingly agrees to help rescue an imprisoned princess, who might just be a wicked demon hell-bent on overrunning the world. Either way, the Bard isn’t too concerned, as both outcomes seem to be to his liking.

Summon a plethora of beasties with a magic-infused tune thanks to your bard skills and hack your way through enemies, i.e. those you’ve pissed off with your smarmy attitude. You’ll have a little trouble with the navigating and the UI, but you’ll be too busy snorting with laughter and looking over your shoulder (hoping no one heard the off-color remark that some non-player character just blurted out) to care. It’s as if Mel Brooks was your Dungeon Master, and had no idea what the hell the Bard Class did.

No rodents of unusual size? No Fred Savage intro/outro? No Billy Crystal cameo? …As you wish!